Monday, 30 May 2016

I Am Stuck

Yes I am stuck, stuck within a mind that is not being convinced to feel energy, motivation, passion, nor pleasures.  It has been a long journey and I have been very tired of feeling, or "not" feeling, any enjoyment for living.  Life is way too short to be like this, however I have been powerless, despite my efforts, too feel much different at the present time.

Medical update:  I was back at the psychiatrist this past week, who put me on another Bipolar medication since I was weaned off the Latuda, which did not work for me.  Hopefully this new medication, Lamotrigine, will work for me.  I am praying my hardest it will release me from this misery I have been dealing with for months on end.

After reading some reviews on the Lamotrigine I have been feeling hopeful it will be the "right" medication for me.   *Click* HERE to read the reviews I had came across through googling.  Fingers crossed big time and ALL PRAYERS WELCOME !!!

How have I been feeling for the past few months? debilitated in pretty every which way imagined.  I fear people will get sick of me as it is the same old same old with me, but truly if I could change the depression I have had for the past couple of years it would have been done in a blink of an eye !!!  and never mind the lack of self esteem that goes along with it ! On the most part I suffer in silence and die a million deaths inside some days when I have had terrible thoughts about what "other people" think of me ..... truly a vicious circle in my mind and what has been causing me lately to avoid going out to any events/functions.  I have even stopped dropping in on a friend who I used to frequently drop in on a couple times a week.

I spent the whole of  this past Winter mostly sitting on the couch allowing the days pass on by without me .... really what was there to blog about? making my bed, doing the dishes, then spending the day sitting on the couch?  I thought not, so I didn't.

I have had tons of well meaning advice over the months, and wonderful support from a few key people in my life (not to mention how wonderful, considering the circumstances, how my husband has been).  I surely appreciate all the support I have gotten and still get, however it is something in my "head" that needs correcting.  Trust me I do try very hard to "push" myself, but you know if the feelings aren't there it just doesn't happen.  I guess what I really want to say is all the best advice and concern coming my way hasn't gone on deaf ears, just something I am not capable to always put in motion at this time in my Life.

What more do I want to say? really I don't think there is much more to say at this moment in my Life, other then I will be back to blog here and there, Just North of Wiarton & South of the Checkerboard.

Sunday, 27 March 2016

Happy Easter !

Happy Easter 2016.  

It will be a quiet Easter for Rob and myself this Year.  We had been down to see the grandchildren a couple of weeks ago and given them Easter treats from us then.

The Sun is out in full force so far this morning, but not yet sure what the day ahead will bring for Rob & I.  I am hoping my friend, Sharon, and I will get out for our walk, and maybe Sunday Easter drive might be the order of the day.

Our BBQ isn't hooked up yet since we had a new propane provider install propane tanks, however I am certain I will have good success cooking the steaks I had taken out of the freezer, under the broiler in the oven.  Fresh asparagus, broiled steak, and baked potato for our Easter Dinner.

This past week I enjoyed another birthday, last Friday, and also was up to a photo challenge given to me by a couple of Facebook friends.  The challenge was to post 7 days of nature photos.

These are three of the photos I had taken over the past couple of years which I had posted for the challenge.  I particularly liked the photo of the Goose I had taken.

The 7th day of the challenge I had posted this amazing photo my Rob had taken the morning after the ice storm we had this past Thursday evening.  He really caught the glory of the ice and sunshine, did he not?

I had a couple of pretty bad days this past week, however made it though them to be feeling actually pretty good so far this day.

Hoping everyone is enjoying their Easter Sunday, and that the sunshine is shining down on you wherever you might be.

Oh yes, the "Terrific Three" puppies are all doing well.  Their eyes have recently just opened, so you know "trouble" will surely follow.  Portia is doing well, and Bandit .....
.... he is a proud father as well.

This is all she wrote this day, Just North of Wiarton & South of the Checkerboard.

Tuesday, 15 March 2016

It's Been Awhile

It's been awhile since my last blog post.  I still am not up to snuff with even thinking about doing a daily blog post, however will do one when the spirit moves me.  Today my spirit has been moved.

Should anyone follow the Facebook page of our Checkerboard Aussies, they would have known by now Portia had her puppies last Friday.  I am pleased to introduce ....

The "Terrific Three" ...... one Blue Merle Male, and two Red Tri Females.

I hate to disappoint anyone, however all three of the "Terrific Three" have been sold. Two were sold before they were born, and the third one sold last night.  Just think in another week their eyes will be open, and in three weeks time I will be feeding them solid foods ..... totally amazing isn't it, and in 8 weeks they will all be gone to their new homes at the end of April.  Time flies by .....

Saturday my Auntie Gladys came up for a visit.  We met for a light lunch at the local Subway then headed up to Gateway Haven to have a bit of a visit with my Mother.

Aunt Gladys had brought along a family photo she was showing Mom.

Since this coming Friday is my birthday, Auntie had brought me along a gift of a rose.

In the "spirit" of St. Paddy's Day, this rose is a very pale green.  Beautiful is it not?  Just think I almost could have been a Patty .....

Sunday Rob had a day off, so we took advantage by driving down to the Costco in Kitchener.  Since we were so close, we also dropped around to see the grandchildren.  It makes for a long day going down and back, however well worth seeing the kids when we do so.

Last Fall we had bought flooring and paint for our bedroom, however not had time to get around doing anything with it.  Today we decided to start decluttering our bedroom to get going on things.

Six bags later !!! and a whole bunch of empty hangers, I would say we made quite a good dent on it today !!!

There is still plenty to do, but at least it was a good start, and you have to start somewhere to get going where you want to be.

Also today I began my first scheduled appointment with Trauma counselling.  Let's just leave it that I didn't have a very good afternoon, and there had been many tears shed.  I was very grateful that the counsellor is very educated on Bi-polar, and I did actually gain some further information on it.

Today I came away with knowing I have survived 40 years or so having Bi-Polar without harm to myself or others, having no diagnosis until recently.  The counsellor pointed out how much strength I have had to survive all those years with what I had to go through.

As I said, lots of tears, but again, it is a beginning, and I have begun the struggle of hopeful healing.

I can't write anymore about it right now as I find it too emotional and difficult.  Maybe another time.

This is all she wrote this day, Just North of Wiarton & South of the Checkerboard.

Thursday, 3 March 2016

Difficult Getting Things Done

 Today has not been too bad of a day as I did manage to get a few things done, as some days I find it to be difficult getting things done.

As anyone can tell by these photos it is clear that the help I have around here just "ain't cut out" to what it should be .....

This morning I went for a walk with my friend, Sharon, nice and early about 10 am..  I thought maybe out walking so early I would be tired to get anything else done, but I surprised myself.

Sunday we had been down to the Southampton Market, as I had decided we needed to replace our kitchen cabinet handles as the old brass ones had seen their day.  Rob had started replacing them yesterday so I took it upon myself to change a couple today.  What do you think? much better then the old brass ones?

It sure isn't cheap to upgrade anything now a days.  For each handle it was a cost of $3.95.  We had needed 32 of them.  I have yet to decide whether or not we should change up the hinges or not.  Time will tell once I discuss it with Rob.

I started going through some of the loose recipes I have managed to acquire over the years.  I ended up getting too overwhelmed and stuck them all into a cupboard.  Clearly this will have to be left for a day I have more patience and less other more important stuff to do.  I am undecided whether or not just to get rid of most of my recipes, and just "google" from the computer when I need something, or to organize and keep all my old recipes.  Decisions, decisions ...... there are some days I just hate making decisions, how about you?

One thing this week I had no problem making a decision about was watching The Voice !!!  a new episode began Monday night much to my delight.  If only all my decisions were so easy to make.

I had a friend give me a Facebook challenge last week to post a daily Nature photo for 7 days.  I usually "jump" at such a challenge, but to be quite honest I am still not back to "myself", and haven't stepped up to the plate for the challenge as of yet.  Yes I can not believe I have barely had my new camera in hand.  I hope this changes soon, as much as I hope I start feeling more better.

Portia is due to have her litter of pups (hopefully not just one this time around) on the 9th of this Month.  I have to get some ambition up real soon and get the whelping pen down in the basement cleaned up and ready for her.  This better be happening in the next day or two, or "Houston we are going to have a problem".

I am a little more excited about this upcoming litter then the last litter we had.  This must be a sign I am improving somewhat.  This is a good thing.

I hear the weather is suppose to see double digit figures next week ????  this will be nice considering this last dump of snow we just had.  This Winter has been quite the roller coaster with temperatures, has it not?  I am actually thinking I will be well enough to consider my flower beds this Summer, so that in itself is pretty exciting, with me hoping the temperatures hold true then.

I am over my "break" now, thinking it might be a good plan to get back to some more puttering in my kitchen with this and that while the mood is still present ..... we have to talk ourselves into these moods some days do we not?  The next "big" chore I want to get at is the linen closet and the cupboards in the bathroom ..... YIKES ! I know I should be scared, but yes somebody has to do the dirty work, and I am beginning to realize my name has been attached to it.

That is all she wrote this day, Just North of Wiarton & South of the Checkerboard.

Saturday, 27 February 2016

Six Tiny Stories


* {1} Once all villagers decided to pray for rain, on the day of prayer all the people gathered, but only one boy came with an umbrella.**
    That's FAITH**
** {2} When you throw a baby in the air, she laughs > because she knows you will catch her.**
    That's TRUST**
** {3} Every night we go to bed, without any assurance of being alive the next morning but still we set the alarms to wake up.**
    That's HOPE**
** {4} We plan big things for tomorrow in spite of zero  knowledge of the future.**
   That's CONFIDENCE**

** {5} We see the world suffering, but still we get married and have children.**
     That's LOVE**
** {6} On an old man's shirt was written a sentence 'I am not 90 years old.... I am sweet 16 with 74 years experience'**

       That's ATTITUDE**
Have a good week and live your life like the six tiny stories!
May you always have love to share, health to spare & friends who care...

Special "thanks" to my Auntie Gladys who emailed the above to me.  Life reminders are also as"special", as the person who is thoughtful enough to think of you.

This is all she wrote this day, Just North of Wiarton & South of the Checkerboard.

Thursday, 25 February 2016

Gone Fishing

Yes my Rob had "gone fishing", and that would be "ice" fishing not regular off the dock fishing, although there has not been much ice in the open waters it was totally possible.

Rob used to go on an annual ice fishing trip, and did so the first year we moved up to Bruce County, but until this weekend past had not.  The guys made their annual trip the weekend after Valentine's Day, so there would not be any conflict of interest with the wives/girlfriends, very smart guys.

The first night there there had been 2 fish caught, and Rob's was one of them.  It was like a "cat fish" he explained to me, however without the barbs, whatever type of fish that had been.  The other guy had caught a "weird" variety as well (1st photo).

Along with my Cousin Jim, Rob and another guy, had headed out last Friday to Mattawa, up past North Bay, for a 2 day ice fishing excursion.  It took them a day to travel up there on Friday, and they returned back home on Monday.  Just  nice little get away for everyone (including wives/girlfriends).

While they were gone I was more then entertained .....

My son, Paul, made a surprise visit by coming up to spend the day with me on Saturday.  Everyone was happy to see Paul !!!!  We ended up going up to visit my Mom, having a luncheon out together, then going for a quick visit to my brother's before Paul headed back home at 3 pm.  It had been a good day.

The remainder of the weekend I was sufficiently amused and entertained by these three, Bandit, Leo, and Portia.  As anyone can tell by these photos, Leo the cat has most of the rule in our home except when Bandit might think otherwise and puts the run on him ..... never a dull moment at our house.

We have experienced a wintry storm the last day, however the Sun has returned this afternoon, and I hope Winter had had its last "hurrah" with us (wishful thinking on my part I am hoping not).

That is all she wrote this day, Just North of Wiarton & South of the Checkerboard.

Wednesday, 17 February 2016

Spoiled To The Bone

I don't think I am exactly "Bad to the Bone", but I surely might be "Spoiled to the Bone" ...... as after I got the roses from my wonderful husband, Rob, last Thursday ....

.... he had came back later in the day with this lovely ring set for me !!!!  Yes, I was not only surprised but quite taken back as well.

A number of years ago I had lost the diamond out of my engagement ring Rob had first bought me when we had became engaged about 21 years ago.  How very thoughtful and touching he bought me a whole new set rather then replace the diamond.  He does have good taste, and I do like that it is both white and yellow gold.  Once again, thanks Honey, and I really hope you enjoy yourself on the ice fishing trip you will soon be going on !!!!

Last Friday I had spent the whole day and evening on the couch as there is apparently some kind of "bug" going around, and I am thinking with the stomach pains I was having I must have gotten a bit of it.  No worries though as by Saturday I was much better.

Sunday Rob and I decided we would make a trip down to Costco in Kitchener to pickup a few things we needed.  Our drive didn't start out so great as it was -25 *C and our van heater lines had been frozen up. Thank goodness the Canadian Tire had been open at 9 am in Hanover as we stopped to get some Methyl Hydrate in the rad overflow which thawed the lines out almost immediately.  Thank goodness as we were almost perished with the cold !!!!  Trust me from Hanover on the trip was much more pleasant.

The kids met us at Costco, so we had a wee bit of a visit with them.  The Grandkids were in their glory as they LOVE going around to all the areas were there were samples being offered.  I have to admit I also enjoyed a couple of food samples myself.

I have gotten out twice so far this week for a walk.  I would like to get out everyday, but some days it isn't always possible so I make the best of what I have.  It is nice to have a friend to walk with, and I would much rather go with friend then walk by myself. Thanks Sharon.

Once the nice weather arrives again I might start walking early mornings with one of the dogs to get some more walking time in, and hopefully start getting some of this excess weight I have put on, off.

I have also been readjusting to my medication levels, plus enjoying getting some good night's sleep most evenings.  What a change going from sleeping only 2 hours per night to almost a full 7 hours !  yes I am loving this aspect of my life for sure.  I am also going to counselling each week, hoping to start on some Cognitive Behaviour Therapy soon, and in March I begin the trauma counselling, which will be very emotional.  I am hoping by the time I begin the trauma counselling my sleep patterns are solid, my emotions are in better "check", and I am feeling stronger so I can deal more effectively what is ahead of me.  

All good thoughts which have been sent my way do not go unappreciated.  I can not say "Thank YOU" enough.

I think that about sums up about what I have been up to a bit the past week, even though I am "spoiled to the bone" here, Just North of Wiarton & South of the Checkerboard.

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